Your life is right now.
It’s not later.
It’s not in that time of retirement.
It’s not when the lover gets here.
It’s not when you’ve moved into the new house.
It’s not when you get the better job.
Your life is right now.
It will always be right now.
You might as well decide to start enjoying your life right now,
because it’s not ever going to get better than right now –
until it gets better right now.
People tend to say or do things they later regret in the heat of the moment and during the divorce process there is no shortage of those moments. However, what you say and do can have large consequences on you later and specifically the outcome of your divorce. Here is a simple list of some of the major Divorce Do’s that can help you out through the process and alleviate some stress, along with a sample of some important Dont’s
- DO try to cooperate with your ex. It makes the process not only quicker, but much smoother as well.
- DO fully disclose all your assets. The worst thing you can do is try to hide something and have it come out later.
- DO consult a attorney. You should make arrangements for consultations with a few different attorneys. Make sure you do your research and don’t just pick the first one!
- DO your own research on the divorce process
- DO collect your own financial documents. Your legal fees won’t be as high if you collect and organize your own financial documents (bank statements, tax information etc.)
- DO what your attorney asks of you as quickly as possible! Taking a long time to comply with your attorney (or not complying at all) will not only drag out the process taking more time and money, it could harm your chances of a divorce settlement in your favor or even result in your attorney no longer working with you.
- DON’T lash out at your ex or your children. I know it can be hard, but keeping your cool is very important. This includes on social media!
- DON’T violate any custody/visitation arrangements with your children because it will make it much harder in court for you to get the arrangements you would like.
- DON’T hide your money or property. This will drag out the process and may even lead to your ex taking you back to court.
“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.”- Earl Nightingale
“A Plan B life can be just as good or better than a Plan A life. You just have to let go of that first dream and realize that God has already written the first chapter of the new life that awaits you. All you have to do is start reading!” -Shannon L. Alder
“At the end of the day, you are solely responsible for your success and your failure. And the sooner you realize that, you accept that, and integrate that into your work ethic, you will start being successful. As long as you blame others for the reason you aren’t where you want to be, you will always be a failure.”- Eric Cummings
Going through a divorce can be a very challenging part of someone’s life. Not only does the process typically engulf a large portion of time, it can also take a toll on the mental health of one or both parties. People make decisions under pressure that they sometimes regret after they have time to come to grip with what is going on and make an educated decision, especially when it comes to fiances. Here are some common financial mistakes that people make while going through the divorce process and how to avoid them.
- Marital Debt: Marital debt typically gets split 50/50 during a divorce, even if something is only in your spouses name (with a few exceptions ie. student debt). However, that does not have to be the case. Debt can be settled outside of court, but it is still much better to get out of debt is much as possible before divorce. Your financial situation is about to change so you don’t want 50% or possibly even more of that debt following you. If you don’t try to alleviate debt prior to divorce, at least don’t get yourself in more during the process!
- Keeping the marital home: Just because you want to live in the same house, or even because you “get” the house in the divorce does not mean it’s a financially good decision to keep it. Paying the same bills with only one income is not going to be easy and may not make much sense financially if your putting all of your money into your house. The marital home will, also, remind you everyday of your prior marriage so it may make the most sense, financially and emotionally, to start fresh.
- Spending sprees: Although many people want to reinvent themselves after divorce, don’t do it at the expense of your bank account. A new hair cut and some new clothes maybe, but don’t buy that car that costs as much as a house just because your single now.
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. ” -Steve Jobs
The short answer is nothing…nothing is okay to post. Divorce is an emotional roller coaster and in the heat of the moment you are going to want to let off some steam on facebook, twitter, instagram (or whatever else your social media vice may be). However, this is most likely going to effect you negatively. What you post on social media is never really gone, even when you delete it (yes, I’m also talking about snapchat). Even if you think your facebook is private there are always ways for your posts to be seen and they can be used against you when it comes to settlements and/or litigation. Oversharing can also effect your professiobal life as well (does your boss really need to know you caught your husband cheating by going through his dirty clothes?). You also do not want your friends and family reading your negative comments about your soon to be ex because it forces them to pick sides. Social media can be a great support system to connect with people and ask for advice. If your mad or sad feel free to share, just don’t be specific and overshare because that can lead to even bigger issues.
Summer is almost here! Soon the kids will be out of school and they are going to think that you are their personal entertainer when you’re not working. If your kids do not go to summer camp, and even if they do for a few weeks, you are going to be looking for things to do to keep them entertained. Here are a few of my favorite suggestions for the Northshore area:
- Peabody Essex Museum: The museum is 10-5 every Tuesday-Sunday (closed Mondays except Monday holidays) and children under the age of 16 and all Salem Ma residents are admitted free (even if you work in Salem and show the museum a pay stub you will get in for free). The museum was definitely created with kids in mind and exhibits are always changing so you will never run out of things to see and do! Plus it’s a great way to beat the heat on a hot summer day. http://www.pem.org
- Salem Willows: The Salem Willows has definitely seen better days, but it still has plenty to do to keep the kids happy during the summer. Go to the beach, have a picnic (or get a chop suey sandwich or some fried clams!) play some arcade games, go on the carousel, mini golf, and of course the popcorn! http://salem.org/listing/salem-willows/
- Appleton Farm Ipswich, Ma: Appleton Farm is a great place to go on a hike. There are plenty of different, shady trails, as well great spots to picnic (or get some delicious food from the farm store!). There are also animals for the whole family to see and enjoy (baby cows!). The trustees put on different activities throughout the summer, including a kids summer camp, so check out the website for all the latest news and updates. http://www.thetrustees.org/places-to-visit/north-shore/appleton-farms-grass-rides.html
“I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave person is not one who does not feel afraid, but the one who conquers that fear.” -Nelson Mandela